Sometimes I think that I forget about the things that make me really happy. Depression can do that. It can make you obsess over the things that drive you crazy, that make you so sad that you just don’t do anything.
I don’t take depression lying down. I’ve dealt with it for all of my teenage years and into my twenties. So many people I know have, as well. It seems odd to see the person that doesn’t struggle with it. But, having dealt with it for so long, I’ve come to realize that I can combat it on my own and with the help of those who love me.
Yesterday was particularly hard for me. I wanted nothing to do with myself. So, I did a couple of things. First, I shaved my legs. That smooth feeling made me feel a bit prettier. It made me feel like I was doing something. Next, I told my husband after screaming at the ripping trash bag for five minutes. He helped with the trash and with the dishes I dragged out of the fridge. Next, I bought myself good coffee. Dunkin Donuts is the best around here. I’m a little obsessed after going so long without it in Cali.
Finally, I went to the library. They didn’t have exactly what I was looking for, but that was cool. It’s a freaking library. They have everything else. I picked up a new book by Neil Gaiman because he’s the freaking boss and will be a decent substitute for Charles De Lint (find his work, trust me). I also grabbed a new Holly Black book because she’s awesome, too. The Lunar Chronicles, by Marissa Meyer seemed to cropping up everywhere so I decided to give Cinder a chance.
Needless to say, I read Cinder in the space of yesterday afternoon. I wasn’t impressed, but it was really different from anything else I’d read and I do have a soft spot for fairy tale retellings. But it helped rekindle my obsession with story and reading. The hope is that with enough reading, I’ll find the gumption to return to the book I wrote in 2012 and finally finish revising it.
That would make me really happy.
Until then, I have The Ocean at the End of the Lane and The Darkest Part of the Forest left to read.