I have this project that I’ve been working on for a little more than two years now. For the longest time it was just a notion that lived inside my head, a person with its own voice and emotions. Then, I put my nose to the grindstone during Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month) and came up with a super shitty first draft. All first drafts are crap and I was okay with that.
It sat useless and untouched for a long while. During then, I left University behind and married the love of my life, taking a road trip across the country with my mother in law so that I could move in with him. We had our first apartment and I had a lot of free time on my hands in unfamiliar California. It was enough time to grind out a second draft of my novel. I had imbued it with everything that I wanted it to be, but there was always more work to be done.
Relationships have changed, the plot has thickened, and some people were just plain cut out. Now, I’m on what has to be my fourth or fifth draft (I’ve completely lost count). The thing is, I’m sick of looking at the same story over and over again. Moving around the country and using several different computers has made a mess of things and the recent revisions I’ve done need to be redone and just thinking about it makes me tired.
My mother in law recently asked about my novel and I just about groaned. Just looking at it makes me feel frustrated and confused. I’m not sure where to start when looking at such a huge project, amassing over 80,000 words now. Plot lines that have been weaved in now have to be rethreaded in a way that makes more sense, reworking everything around it. It’s daunting.
The truth of it is that I’ve birthed a child, a great big werewolf of a child and I couldn’t be more proud. Yeah, I’m scared that the outside world has had too many influences on my baby, but I’m sure that she will shine with a personality all her own. All I have to do is finish off this last round of revisions and start getting her out into the world. My only hope is that it gets easier and easier each time since I have a second novel written, a shitty first draft waiting to be revised (although, I’m not entirely sure which computer it’s on).
Then, maybe, I can think about having actual kids. Yeah, I’m getting a little baby crazy. What can I say? I’m happily married and totally feeling the mommy drive right now.