The Day I Achieved Instant Teleportation: A true story
It was a warm spring day. The air full of white, fuzzy allergy-bane floating on the breeze like tiny clouds. I paid little attention to them as I stepped out of the passenger side of the freezing car – my then-boyfriend-now-husband thrives in AC. I rubbed my arms as the warm air helped relieve my skin of the goosemountains, at least temporarily, until we stepped through the downstairs doorway into our friend’s AC-filled gaming room.
We passed the water cooler, and I tossed by bag full of dice and books and my binder I organize all my characters and game notes in onto what might have been an overstuffed chair once, but was now nearly flat, the blue texture of the fabric worn thin. It sat lonely in the corner hugging my bag of nerdy goods while I chatted with my friends before we got down to business.
Finally, we set up the sturdy folding table and got the chairs situated. I, of course, chose to sit with my back to the wall, because I have this thing about sitting in an open, “vulnerable” seat, with my then-boyfriend-now-husband on my left, and our friend’s dad on my right, the lonely blue chair in the corner just past him. I retrieved the bag, set up my character sheet and dice, and got ready to enjoy another session of Dungeons & Dragons.
In the midst of battle, my human ranger about to unleash her fury, a white, fuzzy allergy-bane caught my upper peripheral vision. I lifted my chin, taking in a delicate breath with the intention of blowing it away from my face.
It unfurled its eight demon legs and stared at me with its beady black eyes.
I vaguely remember uttering, “Holy shit!” before realizing I was now seated, my knees pulled tightly to my chest, in the worn, blue chair. As my thoughts began to slowly clear, my fear unleashed itself in maniacal laughter while everyone tried to figure out what the hell just happened. My words bubbled incoherently through the laughter as I pointed at the source of my distress.
I was unable to release myself from the iron death grip until the spider was sent back to whatever hell it had crawled from, but once it was, I finally pried myself apart with just one thought:
I had just achieved instant teleportation.